Lack of Self – Confidence? Understand the Reasons
Why do some people lack self – confidence while others are full of it, being confident about who they are and what they do? A person lacking self – confidence is likely to respond that she doesn’t deserve to be confident because there’s nothing worthy of affirmation about herself. However, this is a false belief resulting from a lack of self – confidence.
A person doesn’t lack self – confidence because they have no value. There are very specific reasons for a lack of self – confidence, and these reasons have nothing to do with a person’s inherent worth as an individual. A lack of self – confidence is not anyone’s fault. It is the result of external circumstances and/or seemingly true but mistaken thinking patterns. Even if someone’s own thoughts lead to a lack of self – confidence, it is because of how this person perceives things. A lack of self – confidence is never caused by a person’s essence.
So, what causes a lack of self – confidence?
A Lack of Self – Confidence Arises When Other Needs Are Unmet
Humans have some basic needs that must be met in order to survive and thrive. Psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed a theory claiming that people are driven by certain basic needs, which are interdependent. Imagine you’re going to build a model house with a bucket of building blocks. You can’t put on the roof until the house has walls to support it. Maslow’s proposed needs are like this. You must meet the lower – level needs before satisfying the higher – level ones. Maslow used the term “esteem” to cover everything included in self – esteem, self – efficacy, and self – confidence – these concepts are related but slightly different. Esteem, that is, self – confidence, is at a relatively high position in the hierarchy of needs. If the lower – level needs are not met, it’s difficult for a person to have self – confidence. According to Maslow’s theory, the following needs must be met in sequence before the esteem need can be satisfied:
- Physiological needs, such as food and sleep.
- Safety needs, such as a secure place to live, order, and stability.
- Love and belonging needs, such as social interactions, intimacy, and friendships.
If any of these basic needs are unmet, a person is likely to lack self – confidence.
External Influences Can Lead to a Lack of Self – Confidence
Often, a lack of self – confidence is learned through experiences and interactions with others, sometimes starting from a very young age. A person’s self – confidence may decline when they encounter the following situations at any age:
- Frequent verbal put – downs.
- Being bullied by peers, workplace superiors, etc.
- Being in a toxic or abusive relationship.
- Experiencing difficult situations (poverty, illness, divorce, single – parenting, unemployment, etc.).
Thinking Patterns and Focus Can Lead to a Lack of Self – Confidence
The above – mentioned situations are external factors for an individual and are not completely within their control (of course, they can choose to take action to improve their situation, but the people and events themselves are not under their control). It’s possible that the needs are met and the external influences are positive, but there is still a lack of self – confidence. No one says that someone is worthless, but he still lacks self – confidence. Usually, a person’s own thinking patterns gradually erode their self – confidence. For example, these false beliefs are related to a lack of self – confidence:
- Having an external locus of control, believing that life in general is not influenced by oneself.
- Having a tendency to blame oneself.
- Learned helplessness, believing that nothing one does can improve any situation.
- Accepting every negative thought about oneself as true and accurate (listening to the harsh inner critic and believing everything she says).
A lack of self – confidence is caused by unmet basic needs, external factors beyond an individual’s control, and/or mistaken thinking. A lack of self – confidence can lead to feelings of shame, depression, and anxiety, and may be a factor in personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. It’s important to recognize that your worth is inherent. Your worth doesn’t depend on anything; instead, your worth exists because you are who you are. All the reasons that lead to a lack of self – esteem are not part of your essence, which means you can address these issues and gain self – esteem. Learn how to gain self – confidence.